“Then I yelled through his door, "It's an anniversary gift for you, asshole. Two whole weeks early. FIFTEEN YEARS IS BIG METAL CHICKENS.”

“I leaned my head back and closed my eyes. "We're supposed to be celebrating our two-week anniversary tonight.""Uh, news for you, honey - two weeks is no anniversary.""What should I tell him? I don't even want to go.""Tell him you just got a new bra and it's shy around strangers.”

“It's better to have loved and lost than to be nagged about buying a damn anniversary gift every year.”

“He'd tell me love was like the chicken pox, a thing to get through early because it could really kill you in your later years.”

“As I recall, Drew made me take him to see a voodoo priestess he found in the yellow pages that week because he said the friend put a hex on his penis. For two weeks he slept with a two-pound package of boneless, skinless chicken breasts on his junk since he refused to sacrifice a live chicken.”

“Zarekshrugged, taking it in stride. "I'm an asshole. I admit it. I've beengoing to weekly Assholes Anonymous meetings, but it takes a long time to undo afew thousand years of habit. And to think you have even more years to undo thanme." -ZAREK”