“Pity? [If] you don't want to be pitied because you're a cripple in a wheelchair, stay in your house!”

“I've had great success being a total idiot. ”

“I get paid for what most kids get punished for.”

“I shall pass through this world but once, any good therefore that I can do or any kindness that I can show to any human being, let me do it now, let me not defer or neglect it for I shall not pass this way again”

“Every man's dream is to be able to sink into the arms of a woman without also falling into her hands”

“If you're here for four more years or four more weeks, you're here right now. I think when you're somewhere, you ought to be there. It's not about how long you stay in a place, it's about what you do while you're there, and when you go, is that place any better for your having been there?”

“Self-pity can make one weep, as can onions.”