“The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!”

“What is this obsession people have with books? They put them in their houses like they're trophies. What do you need it for after you read it?”

“Elaine: Ugh, I hate people.Jerry: Yeah, they're the worst. ”

“The basic conflict between men and women, sexually, is that men are like firemen. To men, sex is an emergency, and no matter what we’re doing we can be ready in two minutes. Women, on the other hand, are like fire. They’re very exciting, but the conditions have to be exactly right for it to occur.”

“I don't understand women at all. Like how a women can pour boiling hot wax onto their upper thigh, then rip the hair out by the root... and still be afraid of a spider.”

“I am so busy doing nothing... that the idea of doing anything - which as you know, always leads to something - cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything.”

“If I want a long boring story with no point to it, I have my life.”