“You'll fold faster than Superman on laundry day”

“And that's when I realized, when you're a kid you don't need a costume, you ARE superman.”

“Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.”

“Let's face it: a date is a job-interview, that lasts all night. The only difference between a date and a job interview is: not many job-interviews is there a chance you'll end up naked at the end of it. ”

“It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.”

“You see, that's the true spirit of Christmas: people being helped by people other than me.”

“Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there's no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door.”