“Why am I always attracting women who still slept with stuffed animals?”

“All my life I'd gone for women who were a little off.”

“Let me tell you something. Boring women get a bad rap. There's a lot to be said for boring women.”

“People always ask, "What's the worst thing heroin drove you to do?". I always answer, "showing up on Maury.”

“Still holding my breath, I worked the dull point inside and slowly, slowly drew back the stopper, plunged it back in, and exhaled. At last, my grateful spirit eased out of the fetid bag of humanity crumpled in that Japanese car, eased out and drifted overhead, until it floated high over the San Fernando Valley, far away from all these people who just didn't understand, far away and high above the awful circumstance of what now passed for my life.”

“Pat Boone still didn't cover public cunt-licks in Tips for Teens, and there really wasn't anybody to ask.”

“I'm so dopesick, my tears taste like urine. It's as if the air itself were made of broken glass. I try to stop twitching. To stay still, to stop my very breath, let the pain stay inside. The slightest movement grinds tiny shards into my pores. Breathing is like gulping from a bag of claws. I want to die. Want to pass out. Want to stop...this...fucking...feeling.”