“Shadowy figures watched them from doorways, as shadowy figures are wont to fucking do.”

“Having friends is how your life gets fucked up.”

“Fuck me, David! Dr. Kelly just tried to eat us!”

“It's like when a kitten tries to bite something to death. The kitten clearly has the cold-blooded murderous instinct of a predator, but at the same time, it's this cute little kitten, and all you want to do is stuff it in a shoebox and shoot a video of it for grandmas to watch on YouTube.”

“And the point of Rachel the Film should really have been to express how awful and shitty that loss was, that she would have become a person with a long awesome life if she had been allowed to continue living, and that this was just a stupid meaningless loss, a motherfucking loss, a loss loss loss fucking loss, there was no fucking meaning to it, there was nothing that could come out of it...”

“If you're patriotic, stand up for the Bill of Rights because once they strip your rights from you, you will pay hell to get them back. You will and we're in the process of it right now.”

“Look at me, you chatty bitch, I'm a goddamn pinata! Fuck off and let me sleep before I puke up a kidney on your slutty leather pants!”