“Elaborate burial customs are a sure sign of decadence.”

“I feel incendiary, a wildfire. My spirit licks at the gates of a very elaborate, customized, and distracting emotional Hades.”

“CUSTOMER: Oh, look, these books are all signed. (Pause) I wonder who signed them ?”

“Marley was dead, to begin with. There is no doubt whatever about that. The register of his burial was signed by the clergyman, the clerk, the undertaker, and the chief mourner. Scrooge signed it. And Scrooge's name was good upon 'Change for anything he chose to put his hand to. Old Marley was as dead as a door-nail.”

“Laws are sand, customs are rock. Laws can be evaded and punishment escaped but an openly transgressed custom brings sure punishment.--Mark Twain”

“The problem with at-home IQ tests is that too many people wouldn't understand the results. Calling customer service is a bad sign.”