“Best fucking speech I ever heard.”

“After all, when I was in school, I thought I had a good time. It was only after I graduated and got out into the worlf that I realized how miserable I'd acutally been.”

“How is it that you're such an expert on home pregnancy kits?" You're asking that question of an Italian stallion like myself? The women call me 'sperm of thunder'. I don't dare stand too close for fear I may impregnate them with just a whiff of my manhood.”

“I held up my ice-cream cone in the gesture of a toast. "Number thirteen: Eat ice cream in public."About this one... I don't get it. What's the big deal about eating ice cream?"Fat people aren't allowed to eat in public."What are you talking about?" she said, a bit snobbily in my opinion. "I notice them eating all the time."Exactly."You lost me."It's hard to enjoy the eating experience when you feel everyone's staring at you, thinking, No wonder she's such a fat cow. Look how she eats."I don't think that!"Sure.”

“People are living too much or too little, and I wondered if anyone out there is living the right amount.”

“I think you have a case of being a little girl. Maybe you should prescribe yourself a heavy dose of man-the-fuck-up.”

“Damn, girl. You are a kinky fuck."I glanced down. The sheet was spattered with blood, my skin covered with dried red lines. Awkward. "Oh. I tripped and fell.""On his fangs? Over and over?”