“Ant 1: So, uh, do you ever worry that your itsy little neck is just going to snap under the weight of your head? Ant 2: Stop asking me that. You ask me that, like, every five minutes. Ant 1: Sometimes I notice my antennae out of the corner of my eye and I'm all, like: AHH! Something is on me! Get it off! Get it off! Ant 2: Yeah, the antennae again. Listen, I just remembered, I have to go walk around aimlessly now.”

“Your recovery is going to be painstaking, like the way the ants are building the tunnels, one grain at a time. But you will get there. I just know it.”

“Qualities of a Good Nurse: Go," I said."1. Doesn't pun on your disability," Isaac said."2. Gets blood on the first try," I said."Seriously, that is huge. I mean is this my freaking arm or a dartboard? 3. No condescending voice.""How are you doing, sweetie?" I asked, cloying. "I'm going to stick you with a needle now. There might be a little ouchie.""Is my wittle fuffywump sickywicky?" he answered. "Most of them are good, actually. I just want to get the hell out of this place.”

“If I have to worry about the ants I crush beneath my feet, I couldn't even walk around”

“Here are the top three things I’ve learned in my twenty-two years on the planet:1. Never wipe your butt with poison ivy.2. People are like ants: Just a few of them give all the orders. And most of them spend their lives getting squashed.3. There are no happy endings, only breaks in the regular action.Of all of them, number three is really the only one you have to keep in mind”

“The best parenting advice I ever got was from a labor nurse who told me the following:1. After your baby gets here, the dog will just be a dog.2. The terrible twos last through age three.3. Never ask your child an open-ended question, such as "Do you want to go to bed now?" You won't want to hear the answer, believe me. "Do you want me to carry you upstairs, or do you want to walk upstairs to go to bed?" That way, you get the outcome you want and they feel empowered.”