“This means that I don't have to run faster than the psychotic-maniac-vampire-cannibal, I just have to run faster than whoever is with me when the psychotic-maniac-vampire-cannibal starts chasing us.”

“You don’t have to run faster than the bear to get away. You just have to run faster than the guy next to you.”

“I'm sure that you psychotic necro-wannabes with delusions of godhood are all about sharing with your fellow maniacs.”

“Ant 1: So, uh, do you ever worry that your itsy little neck is just going to snap under the weight of your head? Ant 2: Stop asking me that. You ask me that, like, every five minutes. Ant 1: Sometimes I notice my antennae out of the corner of my eye and I'm all, like: AHH! Something is on me! Get it off! Get it off! Ant 2: Yeah, the antennae again. Listen, I just remembered, I have to go walk around aimlessly now.”

“I can't imagine the scientists wanting me to walk into the lab and start fiddling around with some big bowl of electrons they had out.”

“Okay, Dumb Diary, school has taught me a few things over the years. Once, it taught me the difference between alligators and crocodiles. (Even alligators and crocodiles don't really care. Just avoid both.)”

“As the joke goes, you don’t have to be faster than the wolf chasing you, just faster than everyone else running away.”