“Over the course of many encounters and many years, I have successfully developed a standard operating procedure for dealing with big, nasty monsters.Run away.”

“I have learned over the course of my many years that it is a bad idea, usually, to investigate piteous weeping but always a fine thing to look into a giggle.”

“There are many ways to kill someone. I prefer laughter, and doing it slowly, over the course of 70 years or so.”

“Of course many bars in Manhasset, like bars everywhere, were nasty places, full of pickled people marinating in regret.”

“I have been criticized throughout the course of my career for placing too much faith in the reliability of children's narratives; but I have almost always found that children are a great deal more reliable in telling us what actually goes on in public school than many of the adult experts who develop policies that shape their destinies.”

“My books have sold largely in England, have been translated into many languages, and passed through several editions in foreign countries. I have heard it said that the success of a work abroad is the best test of its enduring value. I doubt whether this is at all trustworthy; but judged by this standard my name ought to last for a few years.”