“...bookstores, libraries... they're the closest thing I have to a church.”

“That is a trial I must face," Veka said."No, that is a multiheaded snake thing, Jig snapped.”

“Torches," Porak ordered."This is dumb," Jig grumbled as one of the others handed out torches. "Why not run ahead and warn any intruders that we're coming? Maybe we should sing, too, in case they're blind.”

“I have seen John Scalzi's pose-off picture. There are no words. There is only inarticulate whimpering.”

“Isaac: “Besides, is it really stealing if you’re stealing from an asshole?”Lena: “I’d have to double-check, but I don’t think the criminal code includes an asshole clause.”

“[In an interview when asked about becoming a fantasy creature] You know, it might be fun to be Sanguinarius Meyerii (better known as “sparklers”). They have all of the vampire superpowers and almost none of the weaknesses: no burning up in sunlight, no vulnerability to garlic, etc. As for my demise, I have no idea what you’re talking about. Once I get this kind of power, I’m planning to live forever. It’s the only way I’ll catch up on my reading!”

“That worked great! Thank you so much. What next?""I don't know. I didn't expect you to live through it.""Oh.”