“Success Recipe: 2 cups faith, 2 cups love, 1 cup hard work, 1 cup persistence, 1 tbsp vision and a dash of swagger.”

“STAY HOME FROM SCHOOL FAUX VOMIT:1 cup of cooked oatmeal1.2 cup of sour cream (or buttermilk ranch dressing or anything that smells like rancid, sour milk)2 chopped cheese sticks (for chunkiness)1 uncooked egg (for authentic slimy texture)1 can of split pea soup (for putrid green color)1/4 cup of raisins (to increase gross-osity)Mix ingredients and simmer over low heat for 2 minutesLet mixture cool to warm vomit temperatureUse liberally as neededMakes 4 to 5 cups”

“Walk 1 and Drink 8. Walk 1 km and drink 8 cups of water everyday. Pass it on!”

“Work hard at your job and you can make a living. Work hard on yourself and you can make a fortune.”

“1. Heat the oven to Denial.2. Prepare the pan with a spray of Anger.3. Mix in two medium-size bargains with The Bony Guy.4. Add 1/3 cup of Depression (tears will do if you want low-fat).5. Bake...until you can jab a toothpick in your arm and it seems Acceptable.”

“For large values of 1, 1 approaches 2, for small values of 2.”

“In the mind of an ordinary, 1+1 = 2; but, in the mind of an extraordinary, 1+ 1 = 10.”