“I have hair in places monkeys dont.While giving birth my mother almost dies from rug burn.”

“I broke my arm in 3 places so I wont be going back to those places.”

“My father was a Filipino contortionist who was known as the Manilla Folder.”

“My siamese twins moved to England so the other one could drive.”

“You know you have had a productive day when you run out of semen.”

“There is nothing more bitter than an opportunist who miscalculates.”

“I knew I didn't have much of a chance of getting away from that swarm of fae piranha, but it was an infinitely larger chance than I would have if I stayed in the car and burned to death. Hell's bells, what I wouldn't give to have my shield bracelet. Or my old staff. I didn't even have an umbrella.”