“My siamese twins moved to England so the other one could drive.”

“I broke my arm in 3 places so I wont be going back to those places.”

“My father was a Filipino contortionist who was known as the Manilla Folder.”

“I have hair in places monkeys dont.While giving birth my mother almost dies from rug burn.”

“There is nothing more bitter than an opportunist who miscalculates.”

“You know you have had a productive day when you run out of semen.”

“I can't think, if people want gods, why not the Greek ones; they were so useful in emergencies, and such enterprising and entertaining companions. Capricious, of course, but helpful, unless one offended them. I don't know why paganism has so quite gone out in England.”