“So I ask you: whose job is it in this country to wake up comatose parents? Someone better do it soon because knowing television's potential for harm and keeping that knowledge to ourselves instead of sharing it with parents amounts to covering up a land mine on a busy street.”

“They did a lot of cleaning in their house, which I considered to be a sign of immoral parenting. The job of parents, as I saw it, was to watch television and step into a child's life only when absolutely necessary, like in the event of a tornado or a potential kidnapping.”

“Is there a moment for every parent when you realize that your child has outgrown your knowledge of them? A moment when you can't keep up?”

“Little League baseball is a very good thing because it keeps the parents off the streets.”

“Which is why we have spouses and children and parents and colleagues and friends, because someone has to know us better than we know ourselves. We need them to tell us. We need them to say, "I know you, Al. You are not the kind of man who.”

“So how do you know Vampires aren't just some legend made up to scare little kids into minding their parents?" Adam's voice was full of scorn. "Because you and I exist and we're descendants of Fate and Time.”