“I am a wizard, not a baboon brandishing a stick.”

“Professor Flitwick had dried himself off and set Seamus lines ("I am a wizard not a baboon brandishing a stick")”

“Muggle women wear them, Archie, not the men, they wear these,' said the Ministry wizard, and he brandished the pinstriped trousers. 'I'm not putting them on,' said old Archie in indignation. 'I like a healthy breeze 'round my privates, thanks.”

“If a weaker baboon be attacked by a stronger baboon the weaker baboon will either (a) present his hrump fanny I believe is the word, gentlemen, heh heh for passive intercourse or (b) if he is a different type baboon more extrovert and well-adjusted, lead an attack on an even weaker baboon if he can find one.”

“I am the Wizard of Oz of housewives (in that I am both "Great and Terrible" and because I sometimes hide behind the curtains”

“Ha-ha! Ah-hahahaha! I am wizard; hear me roar!”