“Montague's just been found in a toilet, Sir.”

“Oh well... I'd just been thinking, if you had died, you'd have been welcome to share my toilet.”

“Now, you two – this year, you behave yourselves. If I get one more owl telling me you've – you've blown up a toilet or –""Blown up a toilet? We've never blown up a toilet.""Great idea though, thanks, Mum.”

“We'll send you a Hogwarts toilet seat!”

“Dudley had been accepted at Uncle Vernon's old private school, Smeltings...Harry, on the other hand, was going to Stonewall High, the local public high school. Dudley thought this was very funny. "They stuff people's heads down the toilet the first day at Stonewall," he told Harry. "Want to come upstairs and practice?" "No, thanks," said Harry. "The poor toilet's never had anything as horrible as your head down it - it might be sick." Then he ran, before Dudley could work out what he'd said.”

“Don't, Ginny, we'll send you loads of owls.We'll send you a Hogwarts toilet seat.George!Only joking, Mum.”

“I believe your friends Misters Fred and George Weasley were responsible for trying to send you a toilet seat. No doubt they thought it would amuse you.”