“I didn’t know what to spend it on, ’cause my mum said she didn’t want me to buy her nothing. So I was going to buy Larry something, but he said I should spend it on something I always wanted. So I bought a cat.”

“Please go" he said. "Just take my money - take anything - and go"I didn't get why he wanted me to take something, but he seemed really worried about it. So I looked around, and he had a bowl of fruit on the side, so I grabbed an apple, 'cause I always get hungry after I've been drinking."I'll take this, okay?" Then I left him there, but I took the knives and I hid them in the hall cupboard, just in case.”

“Larry said that Michelangelo was a poof, so I wondered why he’d sculpted a guy with a really tiny cock. But I know when you go to old houses, the doorways are much smaller, ’cause people were shorter then, so maybe cocks were smaller too. It makes me glad I wasn’t born a few centuries ago.”

“Alan:I asked him what cat we should get,and he said it was my choice, so I got this little black one calledMinnie. I think the cat place must not have known Minnie’s amouse’s name. I thought maybe we should change it, but then Ithought, if Minnie doesn’t know, either, then it’s probably okay.”

“We did sixty-nine that night. Larry went on top so he didn’t get squished. He’s really good at sucking dick. I wondered if he’d got exams in that too.”

“I never know what people want to hear when they say that stuff. And it’s not like anything about me is interesting or nothing. “Have you always lived in Cambridge?” I nodded. “Do you live alone?” I nodded again. So then he gave up on twenty questions and started telling me about himself.”

“I like everything about you, Larry. I like the way you look and how you’re so clever, and I like it when we laugh together and watch TV together. I like going to art galleries with you and hearing you get all bitchy about some of the artists. I like watching you when you’re doing marking, ’cause you get these funny looks on your face. I like watching you sleep and hearing that snuffly noise you make. I like waking up with you at weekends and spending the day together, just doing stuff like walking round town and shopping and cooking and stuff.” I kind of ran out of breath after that.For a moment, I thought he was going to cry.“Is there anything you don’t like about me?”