“That’s my darling little doggie. Bubbles by name, bubbles for brains. You’ve got to love him.”

“Alan:I asked him what cat we should get,and he said it was my choice, so I got this little black one calledMinnie. I think the cat place must not have known Minnie’s amouse’s name. I thought maybe we should change it, but then Ithought, if Minnie doesn’t know, either, then it’s probably okay.”

“I spent a restless night plagued with excruciating dreams of Adam sucking me off in front of Matt, Jay and my mother. Matt and Jay weren’t paying much attention, being too busy excavating each other’s tonsils with their tongues, but Mum was staring with folded arms and narrowed eyes, occasionally muttering, “Oh, for heaven’s sake, Timothy—show a little enthusiasm!”

“I went and kissed him to wake him up just like Sleeping Beauty. Although I guess with me it was more like Beauty and the Beast.”

“We did sixty-nine that night. Larry went on top so he didn’t get squished. He’s really good at sucking dick. I wondered if he’d got exams in that too.”

“I was thinking of Cambridge, and then I got a bit homesick for a minute, 'cause I never been this far away from home before. But the I remember you're here, and now I'm not homesick no more.”

“Alan:I used rabbit-skin glue to size the panels. I got it from the artshop. I don’t know if they use real rabbits in it. It seems kind of ashame if they do, but then it’s not like there’s a rabbit shortage, isit? And maybe they only used rabbits that would’ve died anyhow.”