“All right, I thought, as one long-winded winner ("And I'd like to thanks my parakeet and his veterinarian...") finally exited”

“...I thought he was the man I'd been waiting for. A hero right out of Austen. The one who would finally make everything okay. Only he wasn't real. Like Austen's characters, he was fiction. Mr. Darcy broke my heart.”

“In a long line of good exits, that was one of his best.”

“I thank her for starting that rumor in my brain that I was lovable. I thank her for her one-woman cult of blood, cum, spit, and razors that called me exquisite and shunned all the winners, cheerleaders, cops, and clear-skinned Hollywood movie stars.”

“If there were two enemies hating each other for a long time, to me, the winner would be the one who finally has the courage to forgive.”

“I think I'd convinced myself that all long-term relationships end up that way; I really thought I had no right to expect more.”