“...motherhood should be like driving a car -- you should have to pass a test before you can do it legally.”

“It seemed to me that the people who made the rules of the road had figured out everything that would help a person drive safely right down to having a sign that tells you you're passing through a place where deer cross. Somebody should stick up some signs on the highway of life.CAUTION: JERKS CROSSING.Blinking yellow lights when you're about to to something stupid.Stop signs in front of people who could hurt you.Green lights shining when you're doing the right thing.It would make the whole experience easier.”

“When you can carry five full dinner platters on your left arm, you should be able to vote, even if you're not eighteen.”

“Why do you think, A.J.," they say in unison, "that you find these boys so attractive?" I didn't say that this fiery chemical explosion leaps from somewhere inside me. Parents don't want to hear these things. I shrugged and said nothing. "Maybe you should try sitting on the intensity," Mom suggests, "just until your feelings catch up with reality.""We could chain you to the water heater," Dad offers, "until these little moments pass."You see what I'm up against.”

“Parents just concentrate on the thing that drives them nuts and all the other good stuff you do goes out the window.”

“She stamped the book and gave it to me. "You bring it back in three weeks."I held it over my heart. Mrs. Worth smiled. "That's where a book should be carried.”

“I'll tell you something about tough things. They just about kill you, but if you decide to keep working at them, you'll find the way through. On the Food Network they have these shows where cooks have to put a meal together with all these weird ingredients. That's a lot like my life-dealing with things you wouldn't think ever go together. But a good cook can make the best meal out of the craziest combinations.”