“Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be.”

“She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.”

“I hate housework. You make the beds, you wash the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.”

“I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath.' For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds.”

“A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.”

“It's been so long since I made love I can't even remember who gets tied up.”

“The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.”