“Horse: What do you think? Gotta go, church in a few Me: Church?!?? Didn’t peg you for a church kind of guy Horse: What we call a club meeting. I try to stay away from collection plates Me: Don’t get holy water in your beer!”

“Don’t water your testimony with your righteous expectations of church members. Their imperfection will disappoint you every time and cause you to leave every church you try to join.”

“What's with the super soaker?" -Stephine"I had a stork of genius when you called me this morning I said what do I have to do to protect myself from the vampire? And the answer that came to me was holy water! I don't know why I didn't think of this sooner." -Lula"You have the Super Soaker filled with holy water?" -Stephine"Yeah I sucked it out of the church. You know that birdbath thing they got right up front?" -Lula"THe baptismal font?" -Stephine"That's it. They got it filled with holy water, free for the taking." -Lula"Brilliant." -Stephine”

“Get plugged in at your church. Find a way to invest yourself. Let's change the church's problem from 'Where do we find the help we need?' to 'What do we do with all the help we have?' The revolution begins now; and it starts with you.”

“Joining the church felt like joining a secret club; and you learned the rules after you joined. The first rule of the church was: Never question what it is that you have joined.”

“Tell me, why do you think I do this?" The king sounds curious. "Out of lust? Is that what you think?"Kill a cardinal? Divide your country? Split the church? 'Seems extravagant,' Chapuys murmurs.”