“God!” I scream.“No, baby, that’s me”
“She gave me money to buy condoms, and instead I bought a book of baby names. That’s life. That’s love. That’s fiscally irresponsible. ”
“My arms hurt from how tightly Patch held me. “Now that’s what I call a scream,” he said, grinning at me.”
“I once saw the world’s ugliest baby drown. But then I realized, “That’s not a baby, that’s a log. And it’s not drowning, it’s burning.” I wonder what it did to deserve that? It was probably a heretic.”
“This morning I ate a hamburger for breakfast, and then wept like a baby into an open jar of mayonnaise. I guess that’s just the champion in me.”
“The louder the babies screamed, the brighter the lights.”