“But it was like wearing a size five sneakers when your foot is a seven- you can get by for a few steps, and then you set down and pull off the shoes because it just plain much”

“I'd try to stuff myself into one of these scenarios, but it's like wearing a size five sneaker when your foot is a seven--you can get by for a few steps, and then you sit down and pull off the shoe because it just plain hurts too much.”

“Just because I wear a size 14 shoe does not mean I’ll take it off when I go to shake your hand.”

“...not forgiving someone is like not pulling a thorn out of your foot just because you weren't the one that put it there.”

“In Paris, when certain people see you ready to set your foot in the stirrup, some pull your coat-tails, others loosen the buckle of the strap that you may fall and crack your skull; one wrenches off your horse's shoes, another steals your whip, and the least treacherous of them all is the man whom you see coming to fire his pistol at you point blank.”

“Because it is illegal to talk to a stranger on a train, it can sometimes be confusing when someone stands on your foot or hits you with their briefcase and then fails to say sorry. Which is why I have decided to carry an air horn with me at all times, and when someone stands on my foot I will set it off in their face and then go back to reading my paper. I imagine this will make people want to avoid standing on my feet, but if I've paid good money for the air horn, I'll want to use it, so I'll wear massive clown-shoes while travelling. I'll also wear a red nose and a wig. Essentially, I really want to get into clowning.”