“Clearly God was in some kind of mood on my birthday.”
“Do you need some birthday dick? I once got dick for my birthday—my first birthday, in fact. That’s how they knew I was a boy.”
“If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss Bank.”
“I clear my throat. "You deserve to be taken out for your birthday. And...I want to be the guy who takes you on your first date.”
“God schedules a birthday, not man.”
“On my seventh birthday party:No, you can't have a bouncy house at your birthday party...What do you mean, why? Have you ever thought to yourself, where would I put a god-damned bouncy house in our backyard?...Yeah, that's right, that's the kind of shit I think about , that you just think magically appears.”