“I couldn't hear his voice over the hammer of my heart. And I told myself over and over I should have known that someone who could love so hard and so well could also hate, and hurt, as deeply.”

“someone who could love so hard and so well could also hate, and hurt, as deeply”

“I was trying to explain my situation to myself. My situation was that I was in pain and nobody knew it, even I had trouble knowing it. So I told myself, over and over, You are in pain. It was the only way I could get through to myself. I was demonstrating externally and irrefutably an inward condition.”

“Grief should have been all-consuming. I hated myself that it wasn't. But sometimes I forgot. Jesus, how could I fucking forget? Sometimes I went for minutes without remembering my dad was dead, but that whole time it was regrouping so it could hit me all over again.”

“If I weren't already dead, I'd have to kill myself just so I could roll over in my grave.”

“He was so heartrendingly perfect he took my breath away. I wondered how I could have been so lucky to have met him, much less have him sacrifice so much of his time for me. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for him. I think I fell for him the first moment I laid eyes on him, but over the weeks my feelings had grown and grown. I had to admit that I was in love- deeply, endlessly, hopelessly, head over heels in love.”