“‎He decided quite suddenly, having kept fairly good record on the calendar, that tomorrow was Christmas Eve, and zombies be damned. The Christmas lights were going up.”

“I like ambition. I like someone who gets up in the morning and has a purpose. A real purpose. I have one. I want whoever I love to have one.""I always look forward to breakfast.”

“Let me tell you, if you have never seen an agitated squirrel you have seen very little, nor have you heard much, because the sound of an angry squirrel is not to be forgotten.”

“Aren't you embarrassed undressing in front of a queer?" Leonard said. "All you know, I might be sizing up your butthole.""Just call me a tease.”

“You want to know what I'm wearing?""Not unless you think it'll really get me excited.""I'm afraid clothes have to have women in them for you to get excited.""Maybe you could talk in a high voice.""Cut through the shit, Hap.”

“I thanked him and he asked me if my cape got caught on stuff when I was running and jumping, and I said, "Sometimes.”

“I get the whole lost-your-parents thing. Been there. But that don’t have to turn you stupid. That’s a choice, like wearing green stretch pants.”