“I get the whole lost-your-parents thing. Been there. But that don’t have to turn you stupid. That’s a choice, like wearing green stretch pants.”

“That’s what happens with your first love. It carves a hole in the muscle and fiber, so that you have no choice but to wear it like a birthmark.”

“If you like who you are then losing yourself isn’t a choice! But if you don’t like yourself, get lost.”

“It’s not what you wear that sets you apart from your fellow man, but what you don’t wear. I don’t wear pants, for instance, and while you’re pondering that, take a moment to gaze at my penis.”

“Parents don’t get that, though. They don’t understand about the fragility of teen friendships. They don’t understand how easy it is for things to break apart, how someone you thought would be by your side forever can just disappear, or turn on you, or decide she likes someone more than she likes you. Parents always talk about romantic relationships being so ephemeral and fleeting in high school. What they don’t get is that friendships can be the same way.”

“I don’t like to overhear things, because, in my experience, things your parents are keeping quiet about are things you don’t want to know.”