“After this whole acting thing is over and done, you eventually have to be human. Some people are never human. It's very weird.”

“If you ever start taking things too seriously, just remember that we are talking monkeys on an organic spaceship flying through the universe.”

“When someone comes along and expresses him or herself as freely as they think, people flock to it. They enjoy it.”

“To me, comedy is a great occupation because I don't really worry that much about what other people think of me.”

“I don't care if you're gay, black, Chinese, straight. That means nothing to me. It's all an illusion.”

“Because I have a girlfriend, I try and take the straight and narrow path, which is good because it prevents VD.”

“I have lost patience with the idea of an insignificant human being standing up above the rest of us--whether he is called Reverend or Doctor or Judge--and shouting at us all about this thing or that. As soon as someone starts to pontificate in this way, I am apt to cut him off or leave the room, or, if this can't be done gracefully, I simply arrange that sweet vapid smile on my face that was so useful during the trial but that so infuriates Dr. Cole. After all, I have already taken the measure of my own insignificance, and I survived.”