“The finished man, you know, is difficult to please;a growing mind will ever show you gratitude.--Faust 1, lines 182-3”

“When someone offers you lines like that, he must be Mephistopheles and you must be Faust. You know you shouldn't succumb to such language, but you succumb.”

“My three key pieces of advice to aspiring authors are: 1) Read as much as you can, 2) write as much as you can, and 3) become a keen observer of life. And once you've done that, finish the @#$% book.”

“There are three infallible ways of pleasing an author, and the three form a rising scale of compliment: 1, to tell him you have read one of his books; 2, to tell him you have read all of his books; 3, to ask him to let you read the manuscript of his forthcoming book. No. 1 admits you to his respect; No. 2 admits you to his admiration; No. 3 carries you clear into his heart.”

“I don't know why no one ever thought to paste a label on the toilet-tissue spindle giving 1-2-3 directions for replacing the tissue on it. Then everyone in the house would know what Mama knows.”

“Gratitude helps you to grow and expand; gratitude brings JOY and laughter into your life and into the lives of all those around you.”