“Apparently alcohol increases charm and courage by at least ten points.”

“Harb was a ticking time bomb. It was like watching a preacher with Tourette syndrome. You knew the "Shit! Balls!" was coming at some point during the sermon, probably while he was slapping you on the forehead during a faith healing.”

“My eyelids felt like had tiny but chubby sleep faeries hanging on the lashes and pulling them closed”

“Nothing could make me pull away meat-market love goddess. My sexy little filet mignon”

“Tight dump on three" he said... "I have to drop a deuce on the count of three?”

“I wanted to find a nice quiet spot, go to sleep, and dream about kittens.”

“No wonder Edward was such a crazy driver," I muttered. "Who's Edward?" Elyssa asked. "You know, from Twilight.”