“Consider the model of [your] local chain pharmacy, where every addictive processed food sold in the front of the store ensures that you will eventually require everything sold by the pharmacy in back.”

“Something about telling that story made my gut grow back together."What?"Oh, nothing. Just thinking out loud."That's who you really like. The people you can think out loud in front of."The people who've been in your secret hiding places."The people you bite your thumb in front of."Hi."Hi."..."..."Wow. My first Lindsey."My second Colin."That was fun. Let's try it again."Sold."..."..."..."...”

“On every birthday, when I wake, I now take out the old Nagan, load it with one bullet, spin the chamber and pull the trigger with the barrel in my mouth. I've cheated death nine times. It is my greatest achievement. And three months to go to my next birthday. I can't wait.”

“Happiness is spiritual, born of truth and love. It is unselfish; therefore it cannot exist alone, but requires all mankind to share it.”

“Any food that requires enhancing by the use of chemical substances should in no way be considered a food.”

“Someone asked me today what we do about snow days. After all, we are homeschoolers, so we don't have to be bound by icy roads. Simply, here's what our family's thought on that is: I ask my children, "Would you rather be indoors doing schoolwork when it's nasty outside like it is today, or when it's sunny and 70F?" It works for us.”

“A returned battalion of the National Guard paraded through the streets with open ranks for their dead and then stepped down out of romance forever and sold you things over the counters of local stores.”