“Because you're my friend, wingnut.”
“You're my closest friend and you're thousands of miles away.”
“Friendship is a pretty full-time occupation if you really are friendly with somebody. You can't have too many friends because then you're just not really friends.”
“When you're young, you're more prone to overlook friends' faults and forgive their weaknesses because you know you're all still cooking and nobody's done.”
“I had friends but I was spending a great deal of my time alone and for me that was vital because there's an awful lot you learn about yourself when you're alone.”
“But non of this matters, because you're not going to listen to your token black Jewish bi friend, are you?”