“Do you guys remember that time when we were all definitely going to die and then Ben grabbed the steering wheel and dodged a ginormous freaking cow and spun the car like the teacups at Disney World and we didn't die?”

“Do you guys remember that one time, in the minivan, twenty minutes ago, that we somehow didn't die?”

“Remember that time in the minivan, twenty minutes ago, when we didn't die?”

“I didn't eat.""What difference does that make?""I'm not like you. I can't recharge by feeding off someone. I need food.""I know that! When was the last time you ate?""Yesterday.""Yester--why the hell didn't you eat?""We had to go buy condoms, remember?""And you couldn't grab a sandwich on the way out?" he said hysterically. "I'm gonna die because you couldn't grab a sandwich?”

“As a parent? My fear is that when we die, we'll have to watch all those moments in our lives when we were short-tempered with our children, all the times they needed our love and and we didn't give it, all those times we were distracted, or in a bad mood, all the times we were angry or impatient.”

“People, if you pay attention to them, change the direction of one another’s conversations constantly. It’s like having a passenger in your car who suddenly grabs the steering wheel and turns you down a side street.”