“Great news for someone is always bad news for someone else”
“When the phone rings at 2.15am in the morning it's unlikely to be heralding something pleasant. What chance is there of its being good news? None. Only someone bad would ring at such an hour. Or someone with bad news.”
“Sometimes in the news, "luck" is just a matter of "capitalizing on someone else's pain.”
“The great news is I drive like a woman. The bad news is that it’s only when I’m wearing a dress.”
“Self knowledge is always bad news.”
“Someone has to spread the good news that we survived.”