“I want to minimize the deaths I am responsible for.”

“You’re joining us for dinner, I hope?” asked his mom. She was small and brunette and vaguely mousy.“I guess?” I said. “I have to be home by ten. Also I don’t, um, eat meat?”“No problem. We’ll vegetarianize some,” she said.“Animals are just too cute?” Gus asked.“I want to minimize the number of deaths I am responsible for,” I said.Gus opened his mouth to respond but then stopped himself.”

“REJECTION MINIMIZATION THEOREM (RMT): Think about it: boys basically, want to kiss girls. Guys want to make out. Always. Hassan aside, there's a rarely a time when a boy is thinking, "Eh, I think I'd rather not kiss a girl today.”

“I'm a grenade and at some point I'm going to blow up and I would like to minimize the casualties, okay?”

“The only person I really wanted to talk to about Augustus Water's death with was Augustus Waters.”

“and then I realized there was no one else to call, which was the saddest thing. The only person I really wanted to talk to about Augustus Water's death was Augustus Water.”

“So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.”