“It's the eternal struggle, Pudge. The good versus the naughty. ...Sometimes you lose a battle. But mischief always wins the war.”

“Sometimes you lose a battle. But mischief always wins the war”

“And then we heard a branch break. It might have been a deer, but the Colonel busted out anyway. A voice directly behind us said, "Don't run, Chipper," and the Colonel stopped, turned around, and returned to us sheepishly.The Eagle walked toward us slowly, his lips pursed in disgust. He wore a white shirt and a black tie, like always.He gave each of us in turn the Look of Doom."Y'all smell like a North Carolina tobacco field in a wildfire," he said.We stood silent. I felt disproportionately terrible, like I had just been caught fleeing the scene of a murder.Would he call my parents?"I'll see you in Jury tomorrow at five," he announced, and then walked away. Alaska crouched down, picked up the cigarette she had thrown away, and started smoking again. The Eagle wheeled around, his sixth sense detecting Insubordination To Authority Figures. Alaska dropped the cigarette and stepped on it. The Eagle shook his head, and even though he must have been crazy mad, I swear to God he smiled. "He loves me," Alaska told me as we walked back to the dorm circle. "He loves all y'all, too. He just loves the school more. That's the thing. He thinks busting us is good for the school and good for us. It's the eternal struggle, Pudge. The Good versus the Naughty.""You're awfully philosophical for a girl that just got busted," I told her."Sometimes you lose a battle. But mischief always wins the war.”

“And we'll call you...hmmm. Pudge.""Huh?""Pudge," the Colonel said. "Because you're skinny. It's called irony, Pudge. Heard of it? Now, let's go get some cigarettes and start this year off right.”

“But there's always suffering, Pudge. Homework or malaria or having a boyfriend who lives far away when there's a good-looking boy lying next to you. Suffering is universal. It's the one thing Buddhists, Christians, and Muslims are all worried about.”

“Poor Pudge. Oh, poor poor Pudge. Do you want me to climb into bed with you and cuddle?""Well since you're offering--""NO! UP! NOW!”

“Hey Pudge," the Colonel said. "What do you think of a truce?""It reminds me of when the Germans demanded that the U.S. surrender at the Battle of the Bulge," I said. "I guess I'd say to this truce offer what General McAuliffe said to that one: Nuts.”