“Not the brightest gem in the jewelry shop, but you've got to admire his single-minded dedication to drug abuse.”

“He loves weed like Alaska loves sex," the Colonel said. "This is a man who once constructed a bong using only the barrel of an air rifle, a ripe pear, and an eight-by-ten glossy photograph of Anna Kournikova. Not the brightest gem in the jewelry shop, but you've got to admire his single-minded dedication to drug abuse.”

“People are the biggest drug addiction in the world, and I mean that quite literally. Take any single substance abuse problem in the world, and it's dwarfed in comparison to the addiction to feelings and people.”

“His recording career spans just a decade: Rude was silenced by drug abuse and domestic tragedy at the end of the '70s.”

“Guard well your spare moments. They are like uncut diamonds. Discard them and their value will never be known. Improve them and they will become the brightest gems in a useful life.”

“It is admirable for a man to take his son fishing, but there is a special place in heaven for the father who takes his daughter shopping.”