“Oh come on. He's not gonna survive 17 bullet wounds, is he? (Spoiler Alert: He does.)”

“Spoiler alert. Mayhem lives.”

“To stay callm, I wondered to myself, Does he have regular handcuffs, or does he have special SeaWorld handcuffs? Like, are they shaped like two curved dolphins coming together?”

“But as for me: I must ask the wounded man where he is hurt, because I cannot become the wounded man. The only wounded man I can be is me.”

“It's total bullshit," he said. "The whole thing. Eighty percent survival rate and he's in the twenty percent? Bullshit. He was such a bright kid. It's bullshit. I hate it. But it was sure a privilege to love him, huh?”

“God will punish the wicked. And before He does, we will.”

“Does he have ugly hands? Sometimes beautiful people have ugly hands." "No he has kind of amazing hands.”