“REJECTION MINIMIZATION THEOREM (RMT): Think about it: boys basically, want to kiss girls. Guys want to make out. Always. Hassan aside, there's a rarely a time when a boy is thinking, "Eh, I think I'd rather not kiss a girl today.”

“Ergo: girls should always make the first move, because (a) they are, on the whole, less likely to be rejected than guys, (b) that way, girls will never get kissed unless they want to be kissed.”

“And at that age, the only boys I didn’t think were gross were dead scientists – and it’s not like I wanted to kiss those guys. (No offense, Niels Bohr.) ”

“She's on his mind again. Her mind is on the boy that smiled at her today. That boy's mind is on another girl. The other girl has her mind on her ex. Her ex is thinking of the girl at the bar. The girl at the bar is thinking of her high school sweetheart. Just as your mind is always on someone, someone's mind is always is on you. What is love but when two minds are thinking of each other.”

“Girls who kiss boys, girls who date them, girls who call them on the phone... that's all they do. There are other things I want to do.”

“Why do boys kiss girls? Because they like them. Do girls kiss boys because they like them too? …Usually…”