“That's why people grow weary of listening to Dumpees obsess over their troubles: getting dumped is predictable, repetitive, and boring.”

“Colin believed that the world contained exactly two kinds of people: Dumpers and Dumpees. A lot of people will claim to be both, but those people miss the point entirely: You are predisposed to either one fate or the other. Dumpers may not always be the heartbreakers, and the Dumpees may not always be the heartbroken." (1) breakup, (2) divorce, or (3) death.”

“The Theorem reste upon the validity of my longstanding argument that the world contains precisely two kinds of people: Dumpers and Dumpees. Everyone is predisposed to being either one or the other, but of course not all people are COMPLETE Dumpers and Dumpees. Hence the bell curve:" The majority of people fall somewhere close to the vertical dividing line with the occasional statisticaly outliner (e.g., me) representing a tiny percentage of overall individuals. The numerical expression of the graph can be something like 5 being extreme Dumper, and 0 being me. Ergo, if the Great One was a 4 and I am a 0, total size of the Dumper/Dumpee differetial = -4 (Assuming negative numbers if the guy is more of a Dumpee; positive if the girl is.)”

“College: getting in or not getting in. Trouble: getting in or not getting in. School: getting A's or getting D's. Career: having or not having. House: big or small, owning or renting. Money: having or not having. It's all boring.”

“The thing about getting dumped generally, and getting dumped by Katherines in particular, was how utterly monotonous it was.”

“In the first century CE, Roman authorities punished St. Apollonia by crushing her teeth one by one with pliers. Colin often thought about this in relationship to the monotony of dumping: we have thirty-two teeth. After a while, having each tooth individually destroyed probably gets repetitive, even dull. But it never stops hurting.”

“It was the immutable tango between the Dumper and the Dumpee: the coming and the seeing and the conquering and the returning home.”