“The problem exactly is that she dumped me. That I'm alone. Oh my God, I'm alone again. And not only that, but I'm a total failure in case you haven't noticed. I'm washed up. I'm former. Formerly the boyfriend of Katherine XIX. Formerly a prodigy. Formerly full of potential. Currently full of shit.”

“Formerly a prodigy. Formerly full of potential. Currently full of shit.”

“I'm what I need to be at any moment to stay above the ground but below the radar. The only sentence that begins with 'I' that's true of me is 'I'm full of shit.”

“I'm full of shit. I'm never myself. I've got a Southern accent around the oldsters; I'm a nerd for graphs and deep thoughts around you; I'm Miss Bubbly Pretty Princess with Colin. I'm nothing. The thing about chameleoning your way through life is that it gets to where nothing is real.”

“Oh my God I'm going to kill you!' But she was laughing.”

“I'm a bad boyfriend. She's a bad girlfriend. We deserve each other.”

“Tiny, the next time that you try to set me up with a girl with a secret boyfriend can you at least INFORM me that she has a secret boyfriend? Also, if you don't call me back within five minutes, I'm going to assume you found a way back to Evanston. Furthermore, you are an asshat. That is all.”