“They like their coffee like they like their ex-boyfriends: bitter.”

“Do you or do you not like wearing earrings in your mouth that will one day smell like your ex-boyfriend's dick?”

“So I could write a story about a girl who was a lot like me, her ex-boyfriend, who was a lot like Satan, witha twitchy eyelid and a penis the size of a worn-down nub of an eraser.”

“Nick as in my former boyfriend Nick. Ex-rat, ex-boyfriend, ex-alive if I ever got hold of him Nick.”

“I see the daring girl rise to the surface. She’s feeling like she can take on the world, conquer anything including an ex-boyfriend. She’s ready to jump. And I’m ready to catch her.”

“If breakups are like deaths, then ex sightings are like seeing a ghost: you feel goose bumps, near loss of bladder control, and the sensation of your heart bursting in your throat. The distinction is that the ex is alive.”