“Traveling, I am finding, teaches you a lot of things about yourself. For instance, I never thought myself to be the kind of person who pees into a mostly empty bottle of Bluefin energy drink while driving through South Carolina at seventy-seven miles per hour - but in face I am that kind of person.”

“I am never going to get better at being a good person. I am always going to be the blood and shit of things.”

“While I did not fancy myself a particularly good person, I never thought my first real sexual action would be prostitutional.”

“I said I wouldn’t be the kind of boyfriend who reads her poetry, and I’m not, but I guess I am the kind of cheesy bastard who slips lines of poetry into her mornings.”

“Pudge, what you must understand about me is that I am a deeply unhappy person.”

“Was it animal pee or human pee? Someone asked.How would I know? What, am I an expert in the study of pee?”

“The champagne had been donated by one of Gus's doctors - Gus being the kind of person who inspires doctors to give their best bottles of champagne to children.”