“You’re joining us for dinner, I hope?” asked his mom. She was small and brunette and vaguely mousy.“I guess?” I said. “I have to be home by ten. Also I don’t, um, eat meat?”“No problem. We’ll vegetarianize some,” she said.“Animals are just too cute?” Gus asked.“I want to minimize the number of deaths I am responsible for,” I said.Gus opened his mouth to respond but then stopped himself.”

“I want to minimize the deaths I am responsible for.”

“It must be some book," she said as she knelt down next to the bed..."Did that boy give it to you?" She asked out of nowhere. "By 'it' do you mean herpes?" "You are too much," Mom said, "The book, Hazel. I mean the book.”

“So how’s it going?”“Okay. Glad to be home, I guess. Gus told me you were in the ICU?”“Yeah,” I said.“Sucks,” he said.“I’m a lot better now,” I said. “I’m going to Amsterdam tomorrow with Gus.”“I know. I’m pretty well up-to-date on your life, because Gus never. Talks. About. Anything. Else.”

“Headline?" he asked."'Swing Set Needs Home,'" I said."'Desperately Lonely Swing Set Needs Loving Home,'" he said."'Lonely, Vaguely Pedophilic Swing Set Seeks the Butts of Children,'" I said.”

“Mom sobbed something into Dad's chest that I wish I hadn't heard, and that I hope she never finds out that I did hear. She said, "I won't be a mom anymore." It gutted me pretty badly.”

“Are you currently at your house?" he asked."Um, no," I said."That was a trick question. I knew the answer, because I am currently at your house.”