“A battered wife is a married woman until she gets a divorce. Or until she kills the bastard.”

“Praise not the day until evening has come, a woman until she is burnt, a sword until it is tried, a maiden until she is married, ice until it has been crossed, beer until it has been drunk.”

“A man finds good thing and favor when he finds a good wife. A woman lives in good fortune when she gets married to a good husband.”

“She was married to my dad, and everything was fine until he got killed in some freak tractor accident.Yeah, that’s what I said, a freak tractor accident.”

“She said Robert Joyner had killed himself with a gun. And then I asked why, and then she told me that he was getting a divorce and was sad about it.''Lots of people get divorces and don't kill themselves,' I said.'I know,' she said, excitement in her voice. 'That's what I told her.”

“When I was a young man I vowed never to marry until I found the ideal woman. Well, I found her but, alas, she was waiting for the ideal man.”