“God was bored with the humans, so he invented alcohol.”

“About the nicest thing God ever invented was alcohol. He's proud of it, too. The Bible's full of kind remarks about booze.”

“John Wilkinson invented the horizontal boring machine, and what a boring machine it was! In fact, it’s so boring that I think I’ll go to sleep now.”

“Thus, though I dislike to differ with such a great man, Voltaire was simply ludicrous when he said that if god did not exist it would be necessary to invent him. The human invention of god is the problem to begin with.”

“God made alcohol and he made feet - and he made 'em so you could put 'em together and be happy!”

“To be a god can ultimately become boring and degrading. There'd be reason enough for the invention of free will! A god might wish to escape into sleep and be alive only in the unconscious projections of his dream-creatures.”