“To be able to turn at will, in a book of your own, to those passages which count for you, is to have your wealth at instant command, and your books become a record of your intellectual adventures...”

“You have to choose your battles. The key is choosing the ones you know you can win.”

“Having your book turned into a movie is like seeing your oxen turned into bouillon cubes”

“there are books which you can't tell people about, books so special and rare and yours that advertising your affection feels like a betrayal.”

“Every book title becomes infinitely better if 'in your pants' or 'from your pants' is added to the title.”

“You can't choose someone else's destiny for them, Kelley. And you shouldn't let anyone choose yours.”

“why is there blue stuff on your face?i was partying with the smurfs. i wanted to fit in.”